Fresh? No!

Its time for something fresh and exciting to happen.
I'm not quite sure what it is yet, but I know Im longing for a new expericence
and beginning to get alittle stir crazy with what Im aleady doing.
Day in and out, Ive been getting up and just fiddling around the house.
I need something!
And ideas?!

Freak? maybeeee.

We all have that little freaky thing that get really gets to us.
In this case Im talking about that "turn on" that gives you that shiver of up your spine.
Indeed most people would like to keep it under caps and not talk about it. (some should keep it that way) but I would like to share mine.

I have an odd turn on for older men.
I havent dated one but the idea sounds awesome. Risky yes. But I want to take that risk.

I'm often asked, "How old were you when you liked older men?"
Well it all started with a movie with my beloved John Cusack.
He had been seeing a much younger girl in this movie, and oddly the idea stuck with me.
Insane I know. I've been really into them ever since.
My friends make jokes that I most likely wont be checking out the hott guy at the mall but looking for his father.
I need to stop this.

So anyone does actually read this post.
Im curious.
Whats that little secret "turn on" you have thats hard to share. (:

Enough Pity Partying

In the last two days I have felt very distant from everyone around me.
Especially yesterday.
The one I need the most to help me through times like this, is the last person that wants
to hear anything I have to say.
I'm hating where I'm from, the people I talk to and the things around me more and each day.
I have nothing in atmosphere that makes me happy in the slightest.
I need a change.
A job
Money
Different People
New Enviroment
At the moment all of things are out of my reach.
I need some kind of push and alittle help along the way.
The days are becoming darker and brighter.
More gray than black or white.
It all makes me ill to think about.
Im trying to sleep to excape reality lately.
Ive been showering nonstop.
Gahhh I need a gooood cry and scream.
:/

Lame Thought

Ive realized I have nothing at all to write about. :/

The Sun Didnt Come Out Today

Today was Garbage.

Its hard to find another word for it.

I dont want to have a pity party for myself but I really wish things were alot different.

As the days go on, I feel things are getting worse and worse.

M- No one likes when your around Tess. You just run your mouth too much.

I really hope that isnt true. :/

The truth is M, no one wants you around most of the time.

E- You dont give people a chance so they think that your a major Bitch.

But once they get to know you, they realize that your ok.

E&A- Tessa your opinion is always soo different from everyone else.

Thats just how it goes.

You people make me feel trapped here.

D- Your not going to go anywhere like this. Constantly on that shit. (I wont say what that means)

I have nothing else to do.

Many things said to me today, from various people "close" to me.

Made me feel like total shit. But its ok. Its just today.

Hoping tomorrow is better.

Maybe school so I have something other than nothing to do.

Just To Fly Briefly.

Ahh like third day into this new thing and I already have writers block!


I want to go to a theme park and go on the swings ride.
You know the one that takes you wayyy up and spins.
Thats the kind of mood I'm in.
Then when it gets real dark, I want to find a near by field and run naked.
Being wild and free for a few short moments with someone I really love.
I want it to be like a movie, with the sappy song like Time after Time or Kiss Me playing in the background.
Later we would conviently find some hippie bonfire and dance barefoot and sing at the top of our lungs.
Watch the world go by faster and faster as we enjoyed every ounce of time we were having.
Id wake up in a huge bed of pillows surrounding me with my hair an absolute mess.
Indeeed that would be Great and I would love all of it.

Power is back.

We sat in the cold dark for the last three days with the anticipation of getting our lights back on.
It was slightly rough, for I didnt get to shower and my hygiene was not its greatest.
My closest friend could only talk of his electronic devices and how deprived he was of them.
This made me laugh thinking. "What silliness." Its sad this world has come to a point that thats all we can depend on.
Indeed I have been growing up in this technological period, but I dont feel as though I couldnt go on if I didnt have the advances of checking my laptop every five minutes.
So instead I finished a great book and started another. I ate a cold sandwhich and toasted my feet next to the small propane heater, all in good company of my lover Charlie (a chocolate lab).
I wouldnt say that I particulary enjoyed the power being gone in the horrid weather, but it was a good experience.
Now that I think about it more, I did enjoy it.
I spent time with a friend and my grandparents I often dont see.
Today I went to a mall about an hour north of where I live and got some christmas shopping done.
I love recieving a whopping $60 for wrapping presents. GOOD DEAL GOOD DEAL.

Now Ill sit in the warmth and my laptop and shower (thank god) are up and running.
I have no school again since thursday due to this wonderful Ice Storm.
Ahh sometimes I wish theres more days like these.
I really do.